A Woman’s Obligation in Zimun
The obligation of women in zimun is a subject of dispute among the Rishonim. Some hold that women are entirely exempt from zimun, regardless of whether she is eating as part of a group which is entirely women or if a woman is eating together with a group of men. A group of women eating on their own, though, may conduct their own zimun, although they are under no obligation to do so.153 Others maintain that women eating on their own are obligated to conduct a zimun.154 (This opinion would also hold that women eating with men must join their zimun.) Finally, a middle position rules that when eating with men, women must join the men’s zimun,155 and it is optional for a group of women to conduct a zimun when eating on their own.156
Shulchan Aruch157 rules in accordance with this final position. Thus:
A group of women eating together may conduct their own zimun but are not obligated to do so.158 However, a group of ten women do not recite Hashem’s Name (Elokeinu), for the mention of a davar shebekedushah (matter of sanctity) is only done in the presence of a minyan of ten men.159 Common practice, though, is that women do not make their own zimun.160
Women who are participating in a meal where men are present, are obligated to respond to the zimun being conducted. They may also choose to break off from the men and conduct their own zimun.161
Note, though, that should a mechitzah divide the room in a way that the men and women are unable to see one another, and they are being served by different waiters, people sitting in these two parts of the room are considered as separate groups for purposes of zimun.162 Women sitting on one side of the mechitzah need not answer the zimun being conducted on the other.163
Question: Women, particularly mothers of young children, often leave the table during the meal to tend to household responsibilities. If the men at the table have completed their meal and would like to leave, may they commence zimun and bentching without waiting for all of the women to return to the table?
A similar question arises in communities where it is customary for the men to leave at the end of the Shabbos meal, especially following Se’udah Shelishis, to join the Rebbe or Rav for the end of the meal and bentching. The women who remain behind will thus not bentch with zimun. May this be done?
Discussion: These questions were addressed by two leading Poskim of recent generations. Let us study their answers.
Dealing with the first issue whether one must wait for the women to return to the table before bentching, Igros Moshe164 differentiates between a regular weekday meal and a Shabbos se’udah. During the week, when it is not common for families to specifically eat together, a woman dealing with the myriad household responsibilities does not have intention to specifically eat a meal in a kevi’us (as part of a fixed setting together with the other people present) together with her family. Consequently, she is not obligated in zimun. On Shabbos, however, when she specially spends time at the table, she must certainly join in the zimun. (The same would also apply in a more leisurely weekday setting.) However, it is the obligation of her husband (or of the man leading the zimun) to call her and wait for her to return to the table before beginning to bentch, since she cannot be responsible if the men go ahead and bentch without her.
Shevet Halevi165 addresses the second question, of men leaving the home which will result in the women bentching by themselves. One ground for leniency which he finds in this scenario is based on the view of the authorities166 who hold that the obligation for zimun does not become established when people begin eating a meal together, but rather when they finish together; one who completes his meal before the others is thus not obligated to remain, waiting for the others to finish, to bentch with zimun. Although this view is rejected by the other Acharonim,167 in this case it may be relied upon because some Rishonim (mentioned above) hold that women are not obligated in zimun even when eating a meal together with men who are anyways making a zimun.168
It is clear from these responsa that there is little room to allow the men at a regular Shabbos se’udah to conduct zimun and bentch when the women have not yet returned to the table.
However, should one know that it will be difficult for him to wait for the women to return to bentch, he may employ the following solution: that either the men or the women establish at the beginning of the meal that they are not establishing a kevi’us with the other, which, for the purpose of zimun, will make it halachically considered as if they are not eating together.169 This way, the women will no longer be obligated to bentch along with the men’s zimun.170
153 Rashi, Berachos 45b, ד"ה דאיכא; Tosafos, ד"ה שאני. These Rishonim discuss a group of women eating alone, and do not discuss a case where the women are eating together with men. Whether these Rishonim would hold that women would also be exempt from joining the zimun in these latter circumstances is a subject of dispute among the Poskim; Aruch Hashulchan (199:2) rules that here they are obligated, and Shevet Halevi (I:38) disagrees.
154 Rosh, Berachos 7:4; Rabbeinu Yonah, Berachos, 33a (Rif folio), ד"ה נשים.
155 One ramification being that, like a man, she may not bentch earlier on her own.
156 Smag, cited in Beis Yosef 199:6.
157 199:6-7.
158 Shulchan Aruch ibid.
159 199:6 with Mishnah Berurah, note 15.
160 Beiur Halachah, ד"ה נשים; Aruch Hashulchan 199:2.
161 Shulchan Aruch 199:7 with Mishnah Berurah 18.
162 195:1.
163 R’ Tzvi Weber (cited in Vezos Haberachah 14, p. 132).
164 Orach Chaim V, 9:10.
165 I:38.
166 Magen Avraham 200:2, citing Bach.
167 See Mishnah Berurah 200:5, with Sha’ar Hatziyun 4.
168 At the end of the responsa he suggests another reason to be lenient, but remains uncertain on that point. In general, it appears from his teshuvah that he would not be lenient in a situation when the men remain at home and simply do not want to wait for the women to return to the table.
169 This point is discussed in The Obligation of Zimun, below.
170 Based on Igros Moshe I:56. Shevet Hakehasi IV:53 in fact relies on this solution in the case discussed by Shevet Halevi, when the men leave the home to bentch elsewhere.