49. Traits to Avoid Completely
Deios 2:3
There are traits in which a person is not permitted to follow the middle path. In these cases, one must move away from one extreme completely and embrace the other extreme. One of these traits is arrogance. If a person is merely humble, he is not following a good path. Rather, he must consider himself lowly. For this reason, Numbers 12:3 describes Moses as “very humble” not just as “humble.” The Sages said to consider ourselves as extremely lowly, saying that whoever is arrogant is like one who denies God's presence as per Deuteronomy 8:14, “Your heart will become haughty and you will forget Hashem, your God.” They said further that one who is even a little arrogant should be excommunicated.
Anger is another extremely bad trait that one should distance himself from completely, going to the opposite extreme. One should train himself not to become angry even when it is reasonable to do so. If one wishes to chastise his children and family members - or the community, if he is a community leader - and he feels that anger would be an appropriate motivator, he should pretend to be angry in front of them, but he should be calm on the inside, like an actor playing a role. The Sages compared one who becomes angry to one who worships idols. They also said that when a wise person becomes angry, his wisdom leaves him; when a prophet becomes angry, his prophecy leaves him. The life of angry people is no life at all. Therefore, the Sages said that one must distance himself from anger and train himself to have no reaction, not even to things that would normally be expected to provoke anger.
The way of the righteous is to accept humiliation but not to humiliate others; to listen when they are shamed but not to reply. They do these things with love and take joy in their suffering. Regarding such people, Judges 5:31 says, “Those who love Him are like the sun when it goes forth in its might.”
Deios 2:4
A person should cultivate the trait of silence and refrain from speaking except when it comes to matters of knowledge or things that are needed for his physical wellbeing. It was said that Rav, the student of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, never said an idle word in his life. Idle words are what makes up most people’s conversations. One shouldn’t talk too much, even when it comes to his physical needs. Regarding this matter, the Sages said that excessive talk causes sin. They also said that nothing is better for a person than silence.
When it comes to talking about matters of Torah or knowledge, a person’s words should be concise and meaningful. The Sages commanded this, saying that a person should always teach his students with brevity. If one's words are too many and his content insufficient, he is speaking foolishness. Regarding this, Koheles 5:2 says, “A dream has a lot of subjects while the voice of a fool has a lot of words.”